In The Still Of the Night: Coping Pt. 2

Greetings eWorld,

You know every now and then, we all have an experience leaves us feeling convicted--a moment when someone (or something) "tells you about yourself." I had one of those moments this morning. I came into work today and read my daily devotionals--my normal course of action. This mornings devotion was simply titled "Be Still." Seemed interesting, so I read it. Little did I know that in this message, I would receive something that could change my outlook on myself.

"Sometimes [having a busy life] is a mode of escape – burying ourselves in work or in a TV program keeps our minds off life’s disappointments."

It's been a month since the passing of my Dad, and I've reached a place where I can finally get some sleep (the first week and a half was rough...no sleep at ALL). I have my method to achieving sleep too...I watch TV until my eyes can't take it any longer and then I pass out (Nice, Right!!). I know that I am doing this so I can go to bed without having to think about that dreaded phone call that I recieved let me know the news. Some may say this is justifiable, considering I'm still coping with the loss. But I began to think to myself, this is generally how I always would get myself to sleep at night.

In my post-conviction, introspective moment this morning, I realized that it was a mental issue. I figured that if my mind were to think right before bed--think about my to-do list, think about my all my hurts, think about tomorrow's problems--I probably wouldnt get much sleep that night. (Let me chime in by saying NO, this theory hadn't been confirmed. But I didn't want to test it. ) But why did I feel this way? And that's when it hit me.

I knew the silence of the night required me to deal with those things that I just didn't want to deal with...my internal issues...the real nighttime monsters I feared the most. And up until this moment, I didnt even recognize that I feared my thoughts that much.

The thing about me is, I'm the type of person to face my fears head on. Suffice it to say, tonight will be an interesting night...lets see how that goes...I'll keep ya posted!

Much love...

That Chunkyboi

Coping Pt. 1

Greetings eWorld,

So many of you may know that my Dad passed away a few weeks ago. I have to say that this has been probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Everything from the actual funeral events to the constant reminders of the upcoming Father's Day--all of it has played its part in making this a hard for me.

But there has been a blessing in the midst of this whirlwind. It has forced me to reflect on life and how beautiful it is--how beautiful the design of the world is...how wondrous the spring colors are...how beautiful people can be (even New Jersey folks....rarely...lol). There are some people in this world that really embody that Galatians 6:1-2 kind of love. And it just feels so sincere. I tend to call those folks Angels on Earth. Everytime I think on them, I say to myself that they must have the purest of hearts. I marvel at just how loving they can be...even when I seem to have too much going on in my world.

So I began to think to myself, "this situation sounds eerily similar to another." Who else loves me soo much, even when I don't show it in return?? Thats when it hit me...that how my relationship with Jesus works out. And because of the similarities, I've concluded that these Angels on Earth were just being Jesus to me. They were and still are showing me the sincerest form of unconditional love....love in spite of....me. So I'm taking this time to thank YOU (and I don't have to tell you who you are because you already know). Thank you for holding on to me...thank you for thinking of me...thank you for praying for me. The Bible teaches us that the 'effectual fervant prayers of a righteous [wo]man availeth much' (James 5:16). Through your prayers, I've been strong, for both myself and my family.

YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME!!!!

Much love...

That Chunkyboi