The Pursuit of Happiness, Pt 1

Have you ever sat there on your couch, or in your car, or wherever you may be and asked yourself "why am i always tired??" I find it odd that I find myself busy all day everyday, but at the end of the day I feel as though I've accomplished nothing. My day generally starts at 5am, going to the gym, then to work, then to some type of rehearsal, then back home, then maybe some more work, then sleep, and then I do it again.

It would make sense to think that I must be very productive. Well, yes! I do get a lot accomplished in my day. But what value does it really add. I mean, I think about work. I could save Johnson & Johnson from blowing up during a freak meteor shower attacked that's strangely enough only aimed at J&J. But I know that by tomorrow it would not even matter. Not even a little....so I find myself searching for ways to prove myself again and again. This way, the higher ups remember my value, and I'm not let go in the next rounds of cuts. This accounts for many restless nights.



Then I think on the financial situation. Everybody's trying to make a dollar. The dollar is SO important to us, that the value of LIFE even pales in comparison to it. We witness this as big companies layoff mass amounts of people. We see this when doctors say they cant help someone because they dont have insurance...heck, we see this when budgets don't allow us to train our own teachers to make them better equiped to sustain our future. I'm not getting on a soapbox here, im just simply stating that if you arent concerned with the dollar, you're pretty much signing a one way ticket to a cardboard box on the side of the busiest of streets.

I dont know....I feel like I don't belong in this world. I can't live for the dollar....I can't live my life proving to other people that I am valuable....so I can earn that dollar. I'm tired... The funny thing is, I can say i'm tired of living this kinda life, but then I'd still know that I couldnt change it. I'm just weary.

Sorry this doesn't have the upbeat finish...but this is just burning my mind right now....